The Double Post

I think this is my first double post (on the same day.)

For some reason, recent events in my life have me once again considering dating. Oh, I think about it frequently. But right now I am considering a plan to begin to date. The steps to take. The path I would want it to take. It has been some time since I have had a date. It was very difficult to date while in law school. The men there, the students, were mostly significantly younger than me, and the ones who weren't significantly younger were generally married or gay. Not that they weren't mostly scrumptious. Most were, and are, fine examples of the male. (whew let me tell ya!!)

Anyway.....moving on.......

I generally do not date. It is not a lack of desire for companionship (and ALL that entails.) It is a knowledge that I tend to attract very broken men. Men who cannot live without a woman to blame their inadequacies on, men who want a woman by their side for the mere look of it, men who need someone to take care of them.

Let me say there is nothing wrong with wanting to be seen with a woman at your side, or wanting someone who can take care of you when the need arises. BUT, it is simply not enough, not okay if your desire to have a woman in your life is MOSTLY for those reasons, or EVER so that you can say "oh it was her fault we didn't come to Sunday dinner" or any other blame game stupidity.

Also . . . the last guy who I really let into my life ended up having pedophilic tendencies. Yeah, makes you feel really special when you know the Wolf was living with your Little Red Riding Hoods, and YOU are the one who opened the door for him.

So I have an issue or two. We ALL have baggage or issues, whatever you want to call them. Anyone who believes they do not are stupid, crazy or so irresponsible I wouldn't want to know them anyway.

As I contemplate this dating thing, I keep remembering something a girlfriend of one of my brothers said to me when I was 14 or 15 years old. "You know you are never gonna get a boyfriend if you keep telling boys they are wrong." or something like that. She said this, Dear Rose did, as she sat on my brother's lap. I really looked up to her. Thought she was beautiful and fit with my brother. But regardless of my respect for her, I turned to her and said "If I tell a boy when he is wrong and that makes him not like me then I don't want him anyway." Or maybe I just said "So?" But you get the point.

I lost that attitude somewhere after that conversation. A fear, I think, of never having a guy. Now, I have it back. If a man can't stand up and be a man . . . if he wants to take the benefits of my cooking, my laundry, my bed, and in return tell me which Jiffy Lube he uses when my car needs an oil change, I don't need him. YES I would like to be held and cuddled and make love with a guy, but I want respect and love more.

So, maybe I will date. Maybe I won't. But I won't have another hateful or disrespectful man in my life. And, ladies, I have to tell you, there are a LOT of men/women/people (not to assume anything about your sexuality) who do not know how to be a good friend, lover, partner.

I am sick of waiting, but wait I will.