Writing again

Something has changed. I do not know what, but I am writing again. And recognizing the things I am avoiding (vs. blaming my avoidance on other things.) I simply do not want to do some of the things I am doing. But when you are broke, and cannot find secure employment, you do what you can.

There is a myth, not even an urban myth, but more of a life myth, that if you are artistic in some fashion (write, play music, take mundane everyday things and turn them into works of art) that you need a back up plan, some guarantee of earning a wage. I want to write. But, being uncertain if I could make a living doing it (and needing additional education to learn to write well - or at least better) I continued in school. I thought that if I graduated law school, and became an attorney, that I would have some basic needs met; an income, insurance, ability to repair home and transporation, etc. etc.

It does not matter to me right now, this day, that the economy took a nose dive. Going to law school, becoming an attorney did none of the things it was supposed to do for me. I am bitter. I am (and have been) angry at the legal profession, the politicians, and the financial 'gurus' that this has happened. It is not personal to them, but it is personal to me. I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL (as our President is now apparently urging folks to do) and it made my situation worse, not better. I wanted my life to be a model of success for some who grew up poor. It has turned into a dire warning instead. NOT THE FUCKING PLAN.

Is it karma? Did I so ignore my life plan as per the Universe or god or whomever that I am not to be allowed to make money doing the thing I went to school for?

Ah, damn. How much longer can this go on???